and now i ponder

and now i ponder

The children had naught but the expectations of the pending Death,

that which we all had to face, acknowledge and experience,

but who wanted to think of such things ?

There was enough distraction in this world,

to keep one busy . . . and of course distracted,

as we exacted our meaningless paths

through the wilderness of our understanding.

Many before us have pondered that ominous question . . . “Why”,

only to settle for some semi-palatable doctrine we could not quite digest,

nor fathom . . .

but it did satisfy that empty cup of longing, like Chinese Food,

it lasted only for a moment . . . or two.

We, the Children of some Progenitive Source, do dream of things.

The extrinsic nature of what they are, founded in feelings.

It escapes translation into the permanence we all seek,

yet we feel it does exist . . . somewhere.

We are fed concepts of such things as love,

and that works as well . . .  until

we have reason to claim a kinship to another illusion

such as Heart-Break, Abandonment and Betrayal.

Funny thing it is . . . Love.

This is not to say i do not believe in “Love”, for i do.

I need it as much as any man . .  . so i can have meaning too.

Something beyond my perceived “lesser self”,

which incidentally is borrowed from others

who feel or felt the same way . . . lesser.

But “LOVE”,

it at times seems to be an all too convenient substitution

for that which truly ails our Souls.

And in this momentary respite of reflections

and circumspections and such other adjectives of examination

i am fine with my self . . .  and you too.
It is not that i do no longer care,

but those fears of loneliness and need

i have to let go, if i am every to know

any thing, for they do cloud my judgment.

Thoughts jaded, sorting through the stirred mud puddle of ponderings

the wondering continues

and the venue of being

oft times prevents the seeing i seek.

But this time

as i have promised my self

so many times before

i will listen

instead of speak

be still in life’s presence

and perhaps

that “Chap”

that “Progenitor Guy”

will hear me

and acknowledge that His service is required here,

and respond in kind

earnestly

and now

as

i ponder

16 December 2011 : William S. Peters, Sr.