a letter to the Universe : i apologize

a letter to the Universe : i apologize

i apologize for being less that what i am

for the lies i told myself

for trying to be someone else

i apologize for all the wasted prayers

the begging for the things

that would mask my fears

in forgetfulness

and i apologize for my doubts

about the power that resides

inside me

i apologize for the blaming of circumstances

those i claimed were beyond my control

for in truth i knew deep in my soul

that i was the creator of these things

yet i acted from a point of powerlessness

i apologize

i apologize for keeping my eyes shut

closed to my realities

of my abilities to overcome

instead i decided

to piss and moan

and i chided you, Universe

asking you to override

the decisions i made

to hide

i apologize

i apologize for not speaking out

when i was confronted

many times

i spoke not

and i did flee to this paper and pen

to exact rhymes

about my life’s angst

and the things

i felt stood against

my integrity

i apologize

i apologize

for my lack of faith in the unseen

i apologize for all the times i was mean

to others

to you

to my own being

i apologize

i apologize for the karma i needlessly collected

yes i was the proverbial garbage man

of the universe

the Fred Sanford of Soul

doing not the things you told me

and you tolerated me

held me still

and scolded me not

yes

i apologize

i apologize

for all those tears

those tears i shed for you

those tears i shed for me

those tears that flooded

the treasure chambers of my dreams

with non belief

and frustrations

and disdain

and indifference

i apologize

i apologize for all the children

all the children’s innocent desires for joy

the ones  ignored

starting with that of my own

and i have always known

that the seeds sown

yielded the fruit we had to eat

yet i planted the seeds of malcontent

in your Universal and Cosmic Mind

just the same

in the name of me

in the name of you

in the name of some God  i never knew

i apologize

i apologize for not paying attention

i apologize for pouting and my dissension

my dissension from the way

of the days past

those to come

and my now

and somehow though

i know you understand and are forgiving

i apologize for not being able to do so

yes i apologize for my frailties

for i was not created in such a manner

i apologize

i apologize for usurping your plans for me

many times it was my selfishness

but certainly

it was me

who choose not to see

things your way

and that sanity

that sanctity

i sought

could not be bought

and i apologize for trying to do so

anyway

i apologize

and finally

i apologize for this note to you

for in my clueless meandering

this is my attempt to reconcile

all the denials

through all my trials

and tribulations

that you were my answer

that part of you that makes me a dancer

of the sheer joys to be here

and for holding to fear

instead of my light

and though this may be the beginning

of the end of my night

know that

i will not apologize no more

for sure

for right now i am walking through that door

that tells me that “i am” that “I AM”

and like you Father Source

of course

i have the power to “Be”

what ever i wish to “BE”

and i shall do my thing

for the Universe in me.

and that’s my letter to you

Universe . . . i love you

as you love me

i apologize

© 12 April : William S. Peters, Sr.

a letter to the Universe : i apologize