Ther Vine Keeper

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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

a letter to the Universe : i apologize

a letter to the Universe : i apologize

i apologize for being less that what i am
for the lies i told myself
for trying to be someone else

i apologize for all the wasted prayers
the begging for the things
that would mask my fears
in forgetfulness
and i apologize for my doubts
about the power that resides
inside me

i apologize for the blaming of circumstances
those i claimed were beyond my control
for in truth i knew deep in my soul
that i was the creator of these things
yet i acted from a point of powerlessness
i apologize

i apologize for keeping my eyes shut
closed to my realities
of my abilities to overcome
instead i decided
to piss and moan
and i chided you, Universe
asking you to override
the decisions i made
to hide
i apologize

i apologize for not speaking out
when i was confronted
many times
i spoke not
and i did flee to this paper and pen
to exact rhymes
about my life’s angst
and the things
i felt stood against
my integrity
i apologize

i apologize
for my lack of faith in the unseen
i apologize for all the times i was mean
to others
to you
to my own being
i apologize

i apologize for the karma i needlessly collected
yes i was the proverbial garbage man
of the universe
the Fred Sanford of Soul
doing not the things you told me
and you tolerated me
held me still
and scolded me not
i apologize

i apologize
for all those tears
those tears i shed for you
those tears i shed for me
those tears that flooded
the treasure chambers of my dreams
with non belief
and frustrations
and disdain
and indifference
i apologize

i apologize for all the children
all the children’s innocent desires for joy
the ones  ignored
starting with that of my own
and i have always known
that the seeds sown
yielded the fruit we had to eat
yet i planted the seeds of malcontent
in your Universal and Cosmic Mind
just the same
in the name of me
in the name of you
in the name of some God  i never knew
i apologize

i apologize for not paying attention
i apologize for pouting and my dissension
my dissension from the way
of the days past
those to come
and my now
and somehow though
i know you understand and are forgiving
i apologize for not being able to do so
yes i apologize for my frailties
for i was not created in such a manner
i apologize

i apologize for usurping your plans for me
many times it was my selfishness
but certainly
it was me
who choose not to see
things your way
and that sanity
that sanctity
i sought
could not be bought
and i apologize for trying to do so
i apologize

and finally

i apologize for this note to you
for in my clueless meandering
this is my attempt to reconcile
all the denials
through all my trials
and tribulations
that you were my answer
that part of you that makes me a dancer
of the sheer joys to be here
and for holding to fear
instead of my light
and though this may be the beginning
of the end of my night
know that
i will not apologize no more
for sure
for right now i am walking through that door
that tells me that “i am” that “I AM”
and like you Father Source
of course
i have the power to “Be”
what ever i wish to “BE”
and i shall do my thing
for the Universe in me.

and that’s my letter to you
Universe . . . i love you
as you love me
i apologize

© 12 April : William S. Peters, Sr.

a letter to the Universe : i apologize

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