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Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Playing the off key notes

Playing the off key notes

there was the gnashing of teeth
playing in a concordant symphony

i knocked on the door
because i had questions

i fell to my knees
no big thing i thought
if that is what is required of me

i have been to many an altar
not quite knowing how to speak
that which was troubling me
so i let my heart dwell
in its own meditative silence

i have eaten those bland tasting wafers
and drank your off brand grape juice
nothing felt quite authentic
i did not feel in touch
unless i really, really concentrated
and conjured forth another delusion

the old folks would say
“your hearts not in the right place”
maybe that’s why i hurt so much
for you
for me
for us all
and the loss of our civility

you see
this is not a new pain
and i have always
knew pain
for this insane
inane expression
on this plane
does not explain
why this rain
is flooding my soul
with salty tears

they say we should not fear
but i ask
what else is there to do
when you look about
and see so much suffering
some silently whispering to us
some shouting out loud

the holy shroud
when will it be lifted
or is that another piece of lore
a myth
that we must sift through
to find a truth
we may not recognize
with our empirically mutated eyes

even in the silence
i can hear the babies crying
they are just hungry
won’t someone feed them
the peace they seek

we speak in terms of budgets
and we have not budged yet
not nudged yet
our selves nor our fellow man
to that circle of unity
we so often elucidate
in our sermons
amongst friend and strangers
and anyone else who would listen

we do estrange our brethren don’t we
especially if there are significant choices
to be made
you know
like “Me” or “You”

and the voices of the muted souls
has resigned their self
to singing in empty choir lofts
for no one wishes to hear their misery
yet we practice a commiserable posture
with closed hands tightly clenched
around the potentials
of what we may become
and we grasp for breaths of reasonableness
that must be propped up
by our mastery
of words and charms
something we learned in school

how does one reconcile a day
in review sleep i must
that i may forget my lack
and God willing
i will dream of cartoons
sheep or dying . . .
or maybe i will just fall off that cliff
as i have done so many times before
you know
that edifice of accomplished wantings
that precipice
that has been looming
in my psyche
pretty much all my life

i never was quite grounded in those dreams
so i surmise
i will never be able to walk away
with any querulous perspective
of victory
quite a juxtaposition here
caught up between a wall
and another brick
being hurled at my fragility

at times it does rhyme
and is in sync
with wisdom
is that because it is indigenous
to old folk ?

i listened
they smiled
then fell asleep
reminding me that
there was a disparaging difference
in my perceptions
as time moved in fast forwarded frames
was it an 8mm
or a Glock
that shocked me back
to a semi verifiable consciousness

and if so
where are the wheels
to this wagon
and why is it not red ?
and why is everyone gnashing their teeth
attempting to understand
what is being said here
in my discordant symphonious playing
of the off key notes
of my life

27 August 2012 : William S. Peters, Sr.

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