i die daily
it was July 2, 2006
when your Mother left
us
. . . for you
for me
it was December 19,
2003
when the Biopsy . . .
came back
and we were told
it was Cancer
Something in me died
that day
and ever since
that fateful day
i die daily
without fail
in every thought
i have had since then
the very smell
the very taste
was and is tainted
with that memory
all the trips to the
Doctors
and their suspect
reassurance
that Hodgkin’s
Lymphoma
was the best of
Cancers to get
yet . . .
ha ! it all ends the
same
eventually . . . doesn’t it ?
that is the cynic in
me
who sees a different
reality
at times
JoJo aka Wynston was
3
just stopped nursing
not too long ago
he was still attached
to her
Wesley was 5
and discovering his
Boy-Hood
and he is still “Wild
and Crazy”
talented too
Myiya, 7
such a sweet baby
girl of mine
with smiles bigger
than sunshine
Monii, 9
a delicate flower
who probably needed
Mommy the most
so it seemed
and Marian, Marian,
Marian .. . 9
intelligent and
strong outward appearance
but i knew that
inside
there was turmoil
and the lack of
understanding
as to why . . . just
like me
and the rest of us
Melody, 11
the sensitive Muse
perhaps confused
lacing her anguish in
language
between her thoughts
tears and poetic
verse
Billy, 14
he was honest and raw
He did not like what
he saw.
He wanted to be the
“MAN”
and
fix it all
as he walked off
his pain and
convolution
no solutions . ..
Micole, 16
the eldest
she was the One
the first One
and i can only
imagine
her deep fears
and hidden tears
for her best friend
her oldest friend
was saying her
goodbyes
Mommy . . . i die daily
the tears could not
fix it
nor did the prayers
God saw fit
to have her exit
this realm of
existence
without even an
explanation
that damn equation
did not work for me
it seems that the
summation
is all wrong
for a beautiful song
was coming to a close
and from that day on
to today
and for tomorrow
our sorrow is still
before us
and i die daily
on another hand
understand this
that i am happy
that you all have
each other
Sisters and Brothers
Loving
to remind you of the
Gift left behind
and whom you love
and what love is
i hope you find
i wish it could have
been me
in lieu of Mommy
so you
would not have had
to suffer through
this
and yes, i miss her
too
achingly true
and each day since
i have died daily
for
i have no defense
to the deference
life affords us
i have died for her
for you too
but that would not do
for you
nor for me
you see
we all are still
pained
inside
a deep one
from which we can not
hide
nor forget
yet we still must
live on
even though
she is gone
and despite the 10
Thousand times
i have died
the countless
millions of tears
i have cried
and all the lies
i have told my self
there is not a
lasting consolance
save my delusions
perhaps
yet the contusions
continue to add up
mixed with the
confusion
as to why
which is why
i die daily
to escape
the non waning pain
of absence
in her absence and
yours
but in the end
we all will cross
over
and perhaps . . .
just perhaps
there is some truth
to what they say
that some day
we shall all rejoice
and lift our voices
to the heavens
and we shall meet
again
and my friend
i hope this is
irrefutable
a immutable truth
for all mankind
and the truth is
though i have defied
death
denied death
cried at the casket
a lasting tear
and fasted
we must overcome our
fears
for death
it is but a breath
away
and as i am saying
here
in the end
if you are not
willing to die
you are not willing
to live
we must face death
that we may embrace
life
so with a great honor
to life
i die daily
© 22 November 2012 : william s. peters, sr.
I
am thankful this day for so many things on so many levels. I am
thankful for the experience of having the opportunity to have
encountered such a wonderful soul in this “Life Path”. I am thankful for
the Children we bore together . .. the Fruit of our Vine. I am
thankful for the memories, and i am prayerful that age will not steal
them all from me. I am thankful for where i am this day in spite of what
has transpired in my life, for today i do clearly understand the
meaning of “THANKFULNESS”. I am thankful for what ever course lies
before me. It is not that things will get better nor worse, but i will
have the experience to add unto my soul. I am thankful for my intent and
my “Knowing” that i can choose to LOVE . . . that is a gift for sure,
for in the absence of time, Love Prevails still.
This poem
may appear to be a difficult one to express, but my Lorde thank you for
Poetry, for it is truly a “Healing Balm” for myself, and hopefully for
others as well as we tell our stories through verse or hear them through
the verse of others.
Today i am Thankful for all things .
. . that which i long for, for i know that i am alive for i desire and
have passion. Each day i pick my Life up again on the awakening and i
begin anew. Let us face Death boldly that we may appreciate Life. I die
Daily !
**************************************
Inner
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as a Flip Book as well. We ask that you PLEASE SHARE this work as much
as you are so inclined, for there are many of our Brothers and Sisters
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Would
like to sincerely offer our Gratitude to all those who have contributed
their Words in Poems, Prose, Prayers and Stories to the cause.
Healing Through Words
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