a parent’s tears . . a parent’s fears

a parent’s tears . .  a parent’s fears

the anger and indignation aside

i can not hide

from this anguish

i must bear

and no matter the volume of tears

the volume of my love

can never again be fulfilled

for my son

was killed

i think, i think, i think

this can not be true

can it ?

a night mare

of hurt

i go to his room

expecting him to be there

playing video games

or sleeping

and he is not

oh i have not forgotten him

the walls remind me

for they are weeping too

for him

for me

for you

his bed is as he left it

shit !

Sneakers tossed about

i remember when i gave him the money

i said to him “honey isn’t that a bit much”

his hand touched mine

as i cosigned

to his dreams

it seems

like that was our last time

i remember the smile on his face

i could taste his joy

and pleasure

in my heart

that smile

is one of my cherished treasures

as are so many others

i carried him

for 9 months

waiting

anticipating

seeing his face

and now

i never will again

for now i have only pictures

and memories

and my anger

but that will not make him come home

my thoughts roam aimlessly

without cease

and there is no peace within me

to be found

all i see is my son

laying face down

in the ground

dead

that picture

will never leave my head

nor my spirit

his final words

i can hear it

playing over and over

his call

“Mommy”

dammit

this shit hurts

it hurts

my Son is gone

and each day since

the dawn i have cursed

Lorde why

why

did my son have to die

this way

any way

any day

i look at his father

and i see Trayvon

i look at any son

and i see Trayvon

i close my eyes

and i see

Trayvon

he may be gone for you

but for me

he and i are bonded

connected

forever

the tears as a parent

offers no relief

for the belief of this travesty

is so surreal

people eulogize

express their hate

anger

sympathy

and empathy

when all i want God

is to see Trayvon

walk into this room

and remove this cloak of gloom

that has moved into my life

because of that night

when my son

died

and took my life’s Sun

away

a parent’s tears . .  a parent’s fears

© 27 March 2012 : William S. Peters, Sr.