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Friday, November 19, 2010

self turned . . . .

self turned . . .

i have been Accused
i have been Tried
i have been Convicted
i have been Sentenced
i have been Condemned
all by my own choosing . . .
“Self” has turned on me
“dimed” me out
why . . . i don’t know
i trusted him with my life
like a brother
just like he was my own
and he turned on me

i mean we shared everything together
we were the same Mind
the same Heart Beat
the same Breath
when you saw him . . .  you saw me
we were inseparable . . .
or so i thought
“Self” has turned on me

Over the years i have cared for him
i have fed him
we have dined at the finest restaurants
ate the most exotic foods
drank some of the finest wines
i have nurtured him
i even gave in to his small petty bullshit demands
i tolerated him
i clothed him
i even brushed his teeth and wiped his ass
i took him for walks
even though he did not really appreciate them
but i did it for his own good
we danced together
sang together
played together
i took him shopping
i even allowed him to be wasteful
and purchase so much shit we did not need
nor want
nor appreciate my sacrifices
many times
“Self” has turned on me

i have taken that asshole traitor on Vacations
to exotic places
introduced him to women
and good friends
i thought we were having fun
i even taught him to try different things
why, i even taught him to read and write
i have sat up long nights keeping him company
discussing all his vexations
and foibles
when he was down on him self, it was i who picked him up
encouraged him
dusted him off
i supported him in every way i could
and this is how this ungrateful bastard repays me
yes . . .
“Self” has turned on me

perhaps that is why they call him “Selfish”
for it seems in the end all he does care about is him self
but what about “me”
i have shed tears for him
i have laughed with him
i even embraced his issues
and his problems
and his trials and tribulations
as my own
i even shared his Joys
and his laughter
and his smiles
when he was happy . . .
i was happy
wait until i see him
he is a superficial
self delusional
self justifying
self edifying
self praising
lazy  no good for nothing . . .
“Self” has turned on me

No , , ,  Wait . . . .
i can not allow my “Self” to go out like this
Me, i am loving
i am kind
so i shall
i must forgive him
for all of his transgressions
and those to come
i am a loving God Created Divine Entity
i can not grow as long as i embrace this attitude
if i come to hate . .
what would become of me ?
perhaps i will just seek “self” out
and sit in silence with him
perhaps this is the time he really does need me
perhaps he too is hurting
and truly in need a friend
a hug
a smile
i know we are truly brothers
perhaps we are truly one
let me reach out
yes, though “Self” has turned on me
i am encouraged
for i am blessed
i can bring Goodness to this situation
i can bring Love
i can bring Hope
i can bring Joy
for . . .  “I AM”
for when Self turned on me
i turned on “Self”
and now we shall come together
in love of “Self”
for when “Self” turned on me
my eyes have opened
and i shall turn on Self
self turned . . .

(c) 19 November 2010 : William S. Peters, Sr.

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