self turned . . . .

self turned . . .

i have been Accused

i have been Tried

i have been Convicted

i have been Sentenced

i have been Condemned

all by my own choosing . . .

“Self” has turned on me

“dimed” me out

why . . . i don’t know

i trusted him with my life

like a brother

just like he was my own

and he turned on me

i mean we shared everything together

we were the same Mind

the same Heart Beat

the same Breath

when you saw him . . .  you saw me

we were inseparable . . .

or so i thought

“Self” has turned on me

Over the years i have cared for him

i have fed him

we have dined at the finest restaurants

ate the most exotic foods

drank some of the finest wines

together

i have nurtured him

i even gave in to his small petty bullshit demands

i tolerated him

i clothed him

i even brushed his teeth and wiped his ass

i took him for walks

even though he did not really appreciate them

but i did it for his own good

we danced together

sang together

played together

i took him shopping

i even allowed him to be wasteful

and purchase so much shit we did not need

nor want

nor appreciate my sacrifices

many times

and

“Self” has turned on me

i have taken that asshole traitor on Vacations

to exotic places

introduced him to women

and good friends

i thought we were having fun

together

i even taught him to try different things

why, i even taught him to read and write

i have sat up long nights keeping him company

discussing all his vexations

and foibles

when he was down on him self, it was i who picked him up

encouraged him

dusted him off

i supported him in every way i could

and this is how this ungrateful bastard repays me

yes . . .

“Self” has turned on me

perhaps that is why they call him “Selfish”

for it seems in the end all he does care about is him self

but what about “me”

i have shed tears for him

i have laughed with him

i even embraced his issues

and his problems

and his trials and tribulations

as my own

i even shared his Joys

and his laughter

and his smiles

when he was happy . . .

i was happy

wait until i see him

he is a superficial

self delusional

self justifying

self edifying

self praising

lazy  no good for nothing . . .

“Self” has turned on me

No , , ,  Wait . . . .

i can not allow my “Self” to go out like this

Me, i am loving

i am kind

so i shall

i must forgive him

for all of his transgressions

past

present

and those to come

for

i am a loving God Created Divine Entity

i can not grow as long as i embrace this attitude

if i come to hate . .

what would become of me ?

perhaps i will just seek “self” out

and sit in silence with him

perhaps this is the time he really does need me

perhaps he too is hurting

and truly in need a friend

a hug

a smile

perhaps

i know we are truly brothers

perhaps we are truly one

Yes,

let me reach out

yes, though “Self” has turned on me

i am encouraged

for i am blessed

i can bring Goodness to this situation

i can bring Love

i can bring Hope

i can bring Joy

for . . .  “I AM”

yes

for when Self turned on me

i turned on “Self”

and now we shall come together

in love of “Self”

for when “Self” turned on me

my eyes have opened

and i shall turn on Self

as

self turned . . .

(c) 19 November 2010 : William S. Peters, Sr.