Ther Vine Keeper

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Saturday, February 18, 2012

not any more . . .

not any more

i gnash my teeth upon the bone
of myself
i have already rendered my flesh apart
i am dying
leaving all evidence
of my old self behind

i can no longer fight this battle
in the bowels of my reason
where i attempt
with all due feebleness
to digest the ways of this world,
at least not that which i see
or i think represents me
and you

this is not a new trial
but the same one from of old
the one i have been scolded about
the one that makes me doubt
my own soul
and it’s validity
and the insipidness
i can no longer address
with my energy

my psyche is overrun
with figuring just how
right now
to make it all fit
and that shit never balances
any of my equations
until i apply
from other dimensions
and give them life here

and fear has become my friend
for i have, like you
come to depend on it’s presence
and i dance
in those same halls of reason
that rebukes me
refutes me
as i temporarily
act the part
apart from me
and all i suspiciously
may desire to be

i spoke to God this morning
i think
and perhaps
He is that instinct
that speaks through the shadows
of our hauntings

eerie it is
yet today i followed,
and that shadow
became my light

the cloak of deception
i adorned
to not be scorned
by the masses of asses
i embraced,
and then i faced me
and i saw naught
but myself
in “Self’s” mirror

and the flesh of past personas
melted in the face of this truth
and bone and marrow remained
as the skeletal frame work
of hardened, molded dust
and then time peeked through my eye
and i . . .
was no more
yet more than all

and now the calling of
the chaos has subsided
for where i once resided
lies ruins of who i use to think i be
and i no longer have need
to suck the marrow
from my narrow perspectives
i offer to the abyss
where naught may desist
nor resist
the coming of this age
where teachers and students
sages and disciples
you and i
can drink the spirit of the Water Bearers
as they pour their offerings
upon the earth

and for what that is worth
i hunger nor thirst
not any more

© 18 February 2012 : William S. Peters, Sr.

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