not any more . . .

not any more

i gnash my teeth upon the bone

of myself

i have already rendered my flesh apart

i am dying

leaving all evidence

of my old self behind

i can no longer fight this battle

in the bowels of my reason

where i attempt

with all due feebleness

to digest the ways of this world,

at least not that which i see

or i think represents me

and you

this is not a new trial

but the same one from of old

the one i have been scolded about

the one that makes me doubt

my own soul

and it’s validity

and the insipidness

i can no longer address

with my energy

my psyche is overrun

with figuring just how

right now

to make it all fit

and that shit never balances

any of my equations

until i apply

surrealities

from other dimensions

and give them life here

and fear has become my friend

for i have, like you

come to depend on it’s presence

and i dance

in those same halls of reason

that rebukes me

refutes me

as i temporarily

act the part

apart from me

and all i suspiciously

may desire to be

i spoke to God this morning

i think

and perhaps

He is that instinct

that speaks through the shadows

of our hauntings

eerie it is

yet today i followed,

and that shadow

became my light

the cloak of deception

i adorned

to not be scorned

by the masses of asses

i embraced,

and then i faced me

and i saw naught

but myself

in “Self’s” mirror

and the flesh of past personas

melted in the face of this truth

and bone and marrow remained

as the skeletal frame work

of hardened, molded dust

and then time peeked through my eye

and i . . .

was no more

yet more than all

and now the calling of

the chaos has subsided

for where i once resided

lies ruins of who i use to think i be

“me”

and i no longer have need

to suck the marrow

from my narrow perspectives

i offer to the abyss

where naught may desist

nor resist

the coming of this age

where teachers and students

sages and disciples

you and i

can drink the spirit of the Water Bearers

as they pour their offerings

upon the earth

and for what that is worth

i hunger nor thirst

not any more

© 18 February 2012 : William S. Peters, Sr.