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40 Days
40 thousand
40 million
40 whatever
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i have been tempted in my wilderness
to acquiesce
to the ways of the world
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like Christ at times
i rebuked a few things
but many things
i have embraced
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this cycle seems
overtly redundant
i have been here before
it is not “faint recognition”
this condition of disgust
visited upon me for my weaknesses
i am sick of looking in the same old
dirty mirror
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food
sex
any old avarice will do
how about you
let us not forget EGO too
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compassions sometimes escapes me
especially for those Assholes
especially the one i am
damn
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i remember more about my self
than i would like to
yes, i can forgive
myself too
but i can not forget
yet
gotta find me another Christ
for the one they gave me is defective
i think my One-nest factor
has been hacked
hijacked
infected with a virus
of non-conformity
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perhaps next semester
we can figure this out
i have tried cheating
but my inner self
higher self
that pure and divine
inner child of mine
smiles
haunting my sanctity
and my solace
till it is no more
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funny,
the variegated different complexities
betwixt youth and now
some how
something got fucked up
ooops
did i do that ?
say that ?
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my inhibitions
are having a Holy War
with themselves
each pointing fingers
and attempting
to re-draw the lines
of constraint
restraint
the ones they created and abated to
in the first place
let’s face it
are they ever gonna realize
that neither side of my “Self”
ain’t gonna win
no war within
is that Sin ?
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i often think about my spirituality
and the actuality of a greater truth.
a friend of mine
just the other day
mentioned . . .
“Light Workers . . . whatever that means”
i laughed
for the chaffed disconnection
of the skin of their delusions
was starting to show up
in preferences
and their references
to being better than thou
lighter some how
than you
than me
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here we sit
on the bench
watching thoughts
pass by
fearing the Dark
is like fearing
the Pigeons in the Park
are gonna Shit on you
yet we feed them any way
never realizing
all things are
synchronistically symbiotic
and connected
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self righteous-mess
can be a dangerous thing
i think
when i feel that way
i have to stop and sniff myself
Grandma always told me
scolded me
about smelling
my top lip
take a sip of that juice son
the Lawd ain’t done with your ass yet
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preference
intolerance
indifference
the lack of my patience
my deference
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why i spend so much time
with self examination
is beyond me
i guess i can justify this
sanctify this
ratify this
as the path to my bliss
when i may be
no, will be kissed
when i graduate
from this school
of
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© 22 March 2012 : William S. Peters, Sr.
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